Today we are trying something a little different around here. 

I am going to take a nap and let Claudia take over….

*yawn*

*stretch*

Before I get out of here, I want to tell you that you are in good hands.  I love Claudia’s blog and got HOOKED on her last book, Denver Cereal.  About mid-way through the book there was no way I was putting it down and so it was attached to my left hand throughout my mommy duties for a day while I stole quiet moments to finish the story.  I just received her new book, The Fey in the mail.  I can’t wait to start it, but know once I do I must finish….

I am off to take a nap, well on second thought maybe to read just for a few minutes.

Hi, my name is Claudia Hall Christian.  Miss Holly was kind enough to loan me her blog to help promote my novel, The Fey.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem.

Sorry, I couldn’t help the fleeting thoughts of using swear words like ‘kcuf’ on her blog, or maybe talking about ‘S-E-X’ or something truly X rated like ‘double chunk chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream’.

But Miss Holly would be disappointed with me if I used the word ‘kcuf’ or talked about ‘S-E-X’ or shared a spoon of ‘double chunk chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream’. And her disappointment would make me sad.

Thus, in the spirit of Club June Cleaver Nirvana, I have created a stick figure synopsis of the Fey.

Please note that Miss Holly uses fancy pens while Claudia only has (swear word) crayons.

We meet Alexandra Hargreaves in the middle of a major transition in her life:

We meet Alex when she is almost dying. Jiminy Cricket comes to take her soul.

then….

Alex recovers but her fashion sense never heals…. so sad

A whole bunch of exciting, thrilling, page turning stuff happens….

then….

In the end, Alex survives, whoops up on bad guys, loves good guys,
and even keeps her sense of humor (and her poor fashion sense).

THE END

And people really like it. Check out these reviews. More reviews posted here .
I did not pay anyone to write a review,
and none of these people are members of my family or sleep with me… ever….promise….

The Fey is available at Amazon.
For a 10 percent June Cleaver Nirvana discount, go to our Create Space store and use the code QB6GCAX2.
The Fey is also serialized online – one chapter a week at AlextheFey.com

One lucky Nirvana commenter will win a copy of The Fey today!
Leave a comment and Miss Holly will select a winner.

Thank you for your time and patience!

–Claudia Hall Christian

I’m filling in for Holly today–because she invited me, and also because I’m positive that she needs a break. She has to! Look at all she does. This blog, Burbmom.net, raising kids, wife…the list goes on and on.

So I’m providing the break, and though I know you’ll miss her, I hope you’ll forgive her for the hiatus and read my little story.

There’s also the added benefit that I’m giving away a prize! Now, that’s motivation, isn’t it, because everyone loves free things?

Here we go…

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved books. She loved writing. Crazy, I know, but she actually enjoyed essay assignments and treasures a paper she earned an A- on because the professor wrote on it that she should never change her captivating writing style.

Book Nerd, that’s her.

This girl grew up to be a woman, earned her teaching credential [in English, of course], fell in love, got married, had a career as a teacher, had kids [2], became pregnant again and was rapidly losing her hair from trying to juggle…er…life.

She moved with her growing family from the Sacramento Valley to the San Francisco Bay Area and spent the next six months in a rental house, trying to hold down the food that just wanted to creep back up her esophagus, killing the swarming ants that just wouldn’t go away, and taking care of her boys while her husband’s career blossomed.

She began to write…just to keep her sanity.

But, again, as it tends to do, life marched on despite the vomiting and ants. A third boy was born, and though the woman was hailed as a ‘pura mujer’ by her grandmother-in-law because she had birthed so many boys–and we all know how much more valuable and honored boys are over girls, right? [Argh! Don’t get me started...]– writing took a back burner in the woman’s life.

The family bought a house in a different Bay Area city and moved, time passed, and finally the woman sold a children’s story. It became a book, and then she had another baby–this time–gasp–a girl. Her reputation as a ‘real woman’ faltered [only slightly], but she kept writing, and the family tried to put down some roots.

Only they didn’t.

Life intervened again. They ended up going back to that appealingly HOT Sacramento Valley. One thing led to another and–well–they had one more child. A fourth boy. The woman’s ‘pura mujer’ status was firmly in place again, but alas, her hair was thinning and she was rapidly losing grey matter with each passing day. Her brain was turning to mush. Again, she tried to find balance.

She started writing again, but sadly, with her daily life surrounded by children, she was drained and, as they say, had lost her muse. She found she didn’t want to write children’s stories. No. She wanted to write about adults! About people who swore occasionally [but only in Spanish, and only when pushed to the very limit]! Mystery! Sex!

Thus her fictional alter-ego was born. And she was called: Dolores ‘Lola’ Cruz.

Lola is who this woman would have been had she been born Latina. With a crazy desire to be a private investigator [and an even crazier family]. If she was sexy. Sassy. A black belt in kung fu.

It took six years from writing the first word to publication [did I say the book was released today?]. It took writing in the wee hours of the morning. It took understanding from her family. It took more balance than she’d ever thought possible when she started teaching again, had her five kids to carpool around, and wrote during every possible stolen moment. It took a move from California to Cowboy-land [aka Texas] so that she could write full time and the family could still maintain their quality of life.

And now, on the day of her book release, she’s realized that she’s many things: A woman. A mom. A wife. A teacher. A daughter. A friend.

And an author. Finally!

She persevered. She held true to her dreams. She modeled these things for her children. And her second career was realized.

And, thankfully, she still has hair.

The End

And now, here’s the really good part… One lucky commenter will be randomly chosen to win a copy of this woman’s book! All you have to do is tell us all what your very favorite book is? The one you escape to when you’re in that ‘Calgon, take me away’ moment.

Also, be sure to stop by MisaRamirez.com to enter the February contest to win other fun prizes [of course for those, you have to buy and read Living the Vida Lola, but it’s a really fun book, so go ahead and indulge!].

Note from Holly:
Ya’ll know I can’t stay away…
Misa Ramirez’s debut novel Living the Vida Lola is being released TODAY, January 20th. So…

Leave a comment naming your favorite book to win a copy OR go buy it today!

First order of business–

Did ya notice?

Did ya notice?

If you are on a reader, please click through to bask in my blog make-over. A big thanks to Shauna who took action yesterday and waved her magic HTML wand over the Nirvana. It is still a work in progress, but I am loving it.

Second order of business–

I have started a “Featured Favorites” blog box to the right….

I am going to update it weekly with some of the blogs I absolutely adore.

Third order of business Let’s have some fun!

Today we are visiting Meg at A Mom Two Boys for my favorite classic holiday tale:

The Adventures of Holiday Dog

Yeah! This is one of my favorite stories…

Go!

The orange couch will still be here when you return.

Last night I was trying to figure out what to do today and realized it was going to be Wednesday and realized that I hadn’t officially asked anyone to let me steal their work and realized it was getting late and realized I usually have these things lined up weeks in advance and realized…crap.

So I sent out an SOS on twitter.

And I am so glad I did because one of my very favorite bloggers reminded me of this post. I love this journey into the land of Barbie. A very distant and foreign country from my house. A big thanks to EATPLAYLOVE for rescuing me. And now we know what she was making room for in her garden by vacuuming bugs:

The Orange County Beach House Armageddon

Let’s take a moment and envision the “closed doors” meeting at Mattel, the unearthing of a brand new Barbie. All the details are meticulously planned out, right down to the packaging. Hundreds of hours of overtime have gone into the final product. Large glossy color posters adorn the board room.

Eyebrows raise at the unveiling, side conversations begin. It’s the birth of a new Orange County Barbie. The executives are in love. Simply in love.

Just for the sake of detail, let’s even imagine an argument ensuing over the number of twist ties that hold the O.C. Barbie into her packaging and the sewing of her hair onto cardboard to create the perfect effect. The argument was a shot in the dark, from a real life mother and top Mattel Designer, to give all of us consumers of Barbie a voice at last. She knows what it’s like, ripping into the box, can’t move your hands fast enough, the scissors get caught up, all while a four year old is screaming, “I WANT IT NOW”!

The new, latest and greatest Barbie hitting in mass quantities at every local big box retailer straight off the boat from Taiwan (so Mattel can boast in today’s climate, not made in China) is complete with a twenty piece line of accessories. Cell phone, purses, a small arm held pooch, lovely black eyeliner, gravity defying ta-ta’s, a gorgeous hybrid convertible, and a Laguna Beach House. Orange County Barbie has it all.

But what the executives fail to see, is after her newness wears off, Barbie sits in a bin with the other cast off Barbies. Crammed to the gills, next to accessories, clothing, missing shoes, brushes, and glitter. Her hair becomes rather nappy in a gorgeous Hippie Barbie kind of way. Maybe someone even brought her into the bathtub and applied bar soap to her shiny coiffed locks.

Eventually her Laguna Beach House is replaced by some other latest and greatest marketed toy. And then it happens, it finds it’s way into the backyard, because no mother in her right mind would house and unwanted Barbie Beach House in the confines of a organized bedroom or playroom to collect dust.

See these days, Barbie is rolling up in her Tonka Dump Truck, to her weathered abode. Shaking her head and wondering where the good old days of glamour have gone?!

***The identity of this Barbie has been changed to protect her innocence in the Blogosphere. Please note, she sold her diamond ring to pay for back taxes on her house when her secondary role in Sex and The City was cut.

Thanks EATPLAYLOVE so much…and yes the check is in the mail.
*cough*

Asking to use the following post was OBVIOUS. She had me at the first picture. Be still my Target-loving heart. She is….Jenni from Jiggety Jigg! Jenni, of course, is awesome.

***

WAYS I MAKE IT HARD TO LOVE ME

I make you wait at the top of the cool escalators at the swanky new Target with my cart so I can get to the bottom first in order to take a picture of you coming down with it.

But it’s for my bloooooog, hun! Come on! It will only take two seconds!

So here he is…working hard to look all casual in his Chuck Norris t-shirt while he rides down next to my Target haul…

Target Dude behind him is all, “That broad must not get out much…”

But seriously how LEGIT cool is that cart escalator?

I needed to get a picture, right?

And ALSO!

How fabulously terrific is my husband for humoring me?

You can clearly see he was sooooo wishing he had just stayed in the car…

Maybe if I refuse to look at her, people will think she is just a random crazy woman snapping pictures of strangers and they will NOT realize I am actually married to her…

Hi, My name is Holly and I am a low maintenance girl.

It isn’t that I don’t like to look nice.
It isn’t that I don’t want to look nice.
It is just it takes so much effort…

I have tried to change.

If you don’t believe me, please click here for the story how I nearly caused the heart attack of a Barney’s world famous make-up artist.

The good news for my low maintenance ways is that I recently found a haven…

(read my full make-over story over at Blah Blah Blog HERE)

FYI: Shauna who is one of my partners in my burbmom.net adventure writes the Blah Blah Blog…

Mr. Linky is below for posts related to a MISUNDERSTANDING.

Today I am turning over the Nirvana to capable hands. VERY CAPABLE hands. It is Jenn from Juggling Life. She is a beacon of hope for those of us in the trenches of toddlerhood. She has made it through and still maintains a sense of humor. Jenn linked to this post a few weeks ago and it makes me laugh every time I think about it…

In Which A Miscommunication Occurs

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away Once upon a time When Grown-up Girl (GuG) was less than half as grown up as she is right now, she was on the cusp of puberty. Because I believe everyone should be educated and informed, I bought her this book. Because it’s just the kind of girl she is, she devoured the book. She walked around for days with her nose in the book, and frequently gave impromptu quizzes on puberty trivia. She was indeed educated and informed.

One night she was at the grocery store with her Grandma. They ran into the mother of a friend of GuG’s. A grocery store conversation ensued. You know the kind; you park your cart to the side of the frozen vegetable aisle as though you are only temporarily stopped, but you proceed to chat for at least fifteen minutes. The conversation centered on softball, and the girls, and oh-how-fast they are growing. GuG’s contribution to the conversation was this, “You should totally get Desiree The What’s Happening To Your Body Book For Girls. It’s really good, it tells you everything you should know about masturbation.”

Well, okay then. Sounds good. Good-byes were said, and as carts were pushed down the aisle the enlightened, liberal adults thought, “Hmmmmm, that’s interesting.”

Three nights later, as we ate dinner, Grandma included, GuG looked up from her baked potato in horror and shrieked, “Did I say masturbation?! I meant menstruation! You have to call Desiree’s mother right now!

Of course, we reassured her that Desiree’s mother probably didn’t even notice, and that is was no big deal, and not to even worry about it rolled on the floor laughing as we cried and peed our pants.

And now it is your turn. Please link directly to your MISUNDERSTANDING post:

MR. LINKY is below! Please link to a marital tale (funny, nice and sweet tales preferred).

Connie from The Young and The Relentless who brings us a funny tale of marital strife was my inspiration for today’s theme. She linked to this post two weeks ago during the Nirvana funniest post extravaganza. Here is Connie (and her husband, Calvin) in her post entitled:

Puss in a Box

The other day, I was going through Alex’s closet, taking out clothes that don’t fit anymore and making room for more. I found a forgotten box of beanie babies and pulled it off the shelf. When we moved to Utah, I put them up there until Alex was older. I opened it up and it was a bunch of kitties.

Fun, I thought. The kids will love these!

Calvin came home that night and began to freak out.

Calvin: Why are my kitties all over the floor!

Me: Those are your kitties? I just found them in Alex’s closet. I didn’t know where they came from.

Calvin: {counting kitties} I had them in my apartment and one of them is missing. A white one. Where is my white kitty!

Me: {still confused} It has to be here somewhere. Is it a special kitty?

Calvin: No, I just….I had them displayed in my apartment.

Me: You did? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have dated you if you had kitties displayed in your apartment. You must have hid them before I came over everytime. I mean the action figure displays were almost a deal breaker…..

Calvin: My Mom gave them to me when she gave up on me having kids. Let the kids have them…but I’m keeping the black one for myself. {Calvin affectionately pets ZIP the Kitten.}

This is what Calvin looked like when I met him….

We will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary next week. I am still amazed at the stuff I find out about my husband that cracks me up! And then I fall in love with him all over again!

Now it is your turn to tell a marital tale. It can be a new or old post, but please link directly to it or I will come over and short-sheet your marital bed and then take down your link.

WHAT SHOULD HOLLY MAKE FOR DINNER?

Please link your suggestions–past posts, new posts, recipes, take out numbers, private chefs, etc. below in Mr. Linky!

There will be karma bonus points for anyone who suggests beef dishes that I could actually make (and by actually make I mean actually make)!

This week I am featuring my dear bloggy friend, Rachel. She feeds her family well. She is also concerned about my lack of feeding my family and has been posting fabulous recipes every Monday at A Southern Fairytale and sending me secret recipes via email.

The following recipe is my favorite to date.
It is easy!
It is fun!
It is yummy!

If your mouth isn’t watering just looking at that picture… well, then you’re certainly not a Texan.

This dish is easily adjustable and one of my favorites.
It is crispy and spicy and the flavors just explode on your tongue in a wonderful tonguegasmic taste fiesta.
I can crockpot it or leave it simmering on the stove for hours while I blog read clean house and teach my children to speak multiple languages.
The ingredients are simple and the recipe is a dash of this and a can of that.

So here goes.

Texican Hash

* 2 pounds of lean ground beef (I use 90/10)
* 2 packages taco seasoning
* 1 can corn (big can)
* 1 can black beans (big can)
* 1/4 C nacho sliced jalapenos, chopped
* 3 chipotles in adobo sauce, chopped
* 1 large yellow onion, chopped
* 1 (7 oz) can diced green chilies
for the topping and layering
* Shredded cheddar or Mexican Blend Cheese
* 1 bag corn tortilla chips
* Sour cream and green onions and salsa for garnish

In a very large skillet or stock pot brown Ground Beef and then cook according to taco seasoning instructions.
Now comes the fun part .
Dump all of the ingredients in with the ground beef and stir well. Bring to a lovely bubbling heat and then turn the heat down to simmer, put the lid on it and simmer for at least 30 to 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.
(You could let this simmer for hours if you so desire, just stir occasionally)

In a 9X13 (or whatever sizes you have handy) baking dish place a layer of corn tortilla chips. Top with hash. top with cheese.
Repeat until dish is full. Finish off with a layer of chips and cheese.
You could purty it up by laying sliced jalapenos on top of the cheese.

Heat in a 375 degree F oven until the cheese is all gooey and melted and bubbling like hot delicious cheesy lava.

Scoop out onto a plate or bowl, top with sour cream, salsa and green onions. Devour.

You can come back and thank me later.

This is one of those delightfully easy dishes that can be adjusted to your family’s spiciness level or you can take away or add all different kinds of ingredients to make it your own.

* you can add diced tomatoes or charro beans or whatever you want to make this your own. I use one hot and spicy taco seasoning and one original. Enjoy!!!

Please link directly to your post below!

WHAT SHOULD HOLLY MAKE FOR DINNER?

Mr. Linky is below! Please link to your funniest post (or at least something that makes you laugh…)

Today’s post is by one of my favorite bloggers. It is Heidi from Frantically Simple. Heidi is a funny girl. Heidi can tell a story. Heidi made me laugh coffee through my nose with this post (the computer company logo picture). Heeeeeeeere’s Heidi!

Once upon a time there was a Heidi.

The Heidi family had a husband,

a daughter,

and a dog.

Sidenote: Other actors tried out for the part of Shasta

but none were quite right for the role.

Heidi liked to write.
Heidi also liked to color with markers.
Even though she was officially a grown-up.
For some reason no one could tell, Heidi liked to share her “art” with others. On the internet.
This is Heidi’s computer.

It is a laptop. It is three months old.
It does not smell like a lemon.
It does not look like a lemon.
But Heidi thinks it is a lemon.
If you look close you can see it says this:

Heidi has had nothing but problems with her computer. Heidi wishes she had gotten a Mac, but Heidi’s husband needed to use her new computer until his new job supplied him with a new laptop and a Mac was incompatible with his software.
If you understood that sentence, Heidi is impressed.
One day Heidi was trying to scan some of her drawings.
It was not working.
Heidi was angry.
Heidi was frustrated.

Heidi was not sure why her laptop would no longer speak to three printers or a scanner.
It had become an aloof lemon.
Or why the ’s’ sticks, turning words like “sticks” into “tick”.
Heidi has to watch carefully for ticks.
(Alternate line: It has caused Heidi to develop a tick.)

Heidi called Dell.
Dell said, “We do not wish to help you, Heidi. Please call the Geek Squad.”
Heidi called the Geek Squad.
The Geek said, “We would be happy to help you, Heidi. Please give us $200.”
Heidi became really angry.
She did not give the Geek $200. She took a nap.
Sometimes Heidi deals with her emotions like that.
She might have dreamed about doing this:

but she did not.
When she woke up her Husband asked her to go for a drive.
He drove and drove and drove.
After an hour he ended up at a fruit stand.
A fruit stand that sells only Apples.
He said, “Heidi, why don’t you buy a new laptop?”
Heidi said, “Um, ok.” And smiled really big.
The Fruit Seller said, “The new iphone just came out. Please get in line. For two hours.”
Heidi obeyed.

But then Heidi remembered that she is a homeschool teacher now.
That means that she qualifies for a big discount.
But she had no proof. She needed an Official Homeschooling Mama badge from the state. But she doesn’t have one yet.
So she left the line,
gave Mr. Frantic a big kiss,
and went home.
Then she remembered that as much as she wants a new laptop, she needs a new:

So she is calling the Geek Squad tomorrow.

Heidi may not have a new laptop, but she has a great husband.
And he is totally compatible with her software.

***
And now it is YOUR turn. Please link directly to your funniest post.

(If the link doesn’t go directly to the post, I will be forced to send out wild dogs to chew up your legs and then they will return and take your link down. Those mean dogs.)

Thanks for playing!