20 years ago I was a newlywed.

Our tree was put up with more LOVE than ornamentation.

Thankfully, it could be scooted into the corner of our tiny townhouse so that the back of the tree sans decoration wasn’t obvious.

It might have been sparse, but it was OURS.

It was the prettiest tree in the WHOLE wide world.

Nearly 10 years went by.

He was working full time. I was working full time. We had a dog and two cats.

We moved to a larger home. We bought a bigger tree.

And a few hundred ornaments.

The decorations were chosen based on color and style. Each was carefully placed equidistant from the others.

The front faced the living room.

The back faced the front window.

They were visually interchangeable.

It was the prettiest tree in the WHOLE wide world.

Time passed…not much time.

Just two years, but the days of the equidistantly decorated tree were long gone.

We had an almost 2 year old.

The tree was quickly assembled and decorated during naptime.

The bottom of the tree was disassembled in 3.2 seconds post-naptime.

The glass ornaments were quickly removed and replaced with plastic.

Hot Wheels, Alphabet Blocks and binkies soon joined the lower tree decor.

The ribbon became a pull toy.

It was the prettiest tree in the WHOLE wide world.

9 more years passed and the toddler grew into a boy. Two brothers were added to the family.

Gone were the days of unfettered un-decorating of the tree by tiny hands.

Instead, three boys helped me pull the boxes of Christmas decor from the attic.

Three boys unpacked the boxes of ornaments.

Three boys decorated the tree.

Each found favorite ornaments. Each found a favorite place to display them.

The back of the tree may have been neglected.

There may be places of ornamentation imbalance, but it was decorated with enthusiasm.

It IS the prettiest tree in the WHOLE wide world.

Now I’d love to know, how do you spread real cheer with your holiday decorating?

Show me with your photos! Click “Add me” in the Cheer Tree below to upload your holiday decorating photos and share them with your Twitter followers and Facebook friends.

Be sure to click on “Special Offers” to unwrap the hidden coupons and deals exclusively from Sears. Keep checking throughout the holidays–new deals are unlocked every day!

For all your holiday decorating needs and solutions, don’t forget to visit Sears and discover real deals, real cheer!

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Sears. The opinions and text are all mine.

Today instead of the usual Monday potluck, I am pulling one of my favorite stories out of the archives.

For a reason.

A really good reason.

Please read to the end to find out why…

Holly was once a teenager.

Although Holly is naturally perky, the teenage years turned Holly’s perkiness into springy teenage angst.

Springy teenage angst can be identified by continuous eye-rolling and hyper-debating.

Holly’s bobbing head in off-beat time to her walkman was seen wandering around her room and on the well beaten track to the bathroom she shared.

It may have been because Holly lived directly across from her parents bed room…

It may have been because the family needed a break from all the eye-rolling…

It may have been because someone needed to go to the bathroom…

SOMETHING caused Holly’s dad came up with a brilliant idea!

Genius Holly’s dad…

Let’s build Holly a room in the basement!

Holly’s dad built walls.

Holly’s dad built a bathroom.

Holly’s dad put carpet on the floor.

This new room was very helpful in containing Holly’s teenage angst.

This new room was very helpful in containing Holly’s mess.

Holly did not live alone in her mess.

Holly’s dog didn’t seem to mind the long hours in the bathroom, the constant eye-rolling or the mess.

At the time Holly thought the room was nice.

Now that Holly is no longer suffering from teenage angst she can fully admit that the room was teenage nirvana.

Well, almost teenage nirvana. There was one time when Holly found a small garden snake under her bathroom rug.

And then Holly suffered from legitimate angst.

The End.

This is not the end of the story!

There is more…

After a series of crazy coincidences, I found that this very room that my dad built for me was later the home of fellow blogger, Jennifer from Thursday Drive.  She writes about it HERE.

Jennifer {who I love dearly and think is one of the most amazing writers I have ever read} is in the middle of a mess.  Over a year ago she and her children moved across the country to start a new life after a divorce.  The kids went to visit their dad a few weeks ago and didn’t return.  Jennifer is in need of some help to enforce the custody agreement and see her children again.

If there is any way that you can help, please check out her story on Go Fund Me.  Thank you so much.

Now GO before I start rolling my eyes.

Holly has been doing a lot of thinking. Holly has been doing extensive investigating. Holly finds that the best solution to her problem may be installing one of these:

Holly has decided that a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john may be her only option. She has decided that this is the location for her new purchase:

Why would Holly who lives in a lovely suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence with complete indoor plumbing choose to install a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john?

It might have something to do with the plunger that is permanently attached to Holly’s left arm. Holly’s left arm is tired of plunging. Holly has noticed that she is starting to choose outfits in the morning based on whether they match the plunger attached permanently to her left arm.

Holly is wearing green hoping that her green-wearing karma will overcome her low-flow toilet hating soul. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is deep, very deep. Holly’s low-flow toilet hating soul is attached to a body sporting a plunger as a permanent fixture.

Holly’s low-flow toilets seem to have something against the act of flushing.

Hey low-flow toilets…why are you so anti-flush?

Holly also wonders what is the point of low-flow toilets if she has to attempt flushing them three kazillion times with intermittent plunging. Ironically Coincidentally, that is the exact same decibel (three kazillion) Holly’s voice hits when she hears, “Mommy! The toilet isn’t working!”

So, until Al Gore dedicates his life to plunging Holly’s low-flow toilets or suitable alternatives in the United States of Low-Flow Toilets (US of LF T) are legal. Holly is planning this drastic action.

Holly will no longer allow people to use the INDOOR toilets. Holly will lead them to the OUTDOOR toilet which never needs plunging despite the level of crap.

Holly can only hope that the proximity to the patio of the new porta-potty, johnny-on-the-spot, porta-john could encourage its use by a certain Holly’s dog…

Once upon a time Holly found herself with an extra hour and 1/2 without three boys who she calls her children. Holly hardly could contain herself. She decided that she would take that time to do something fun for herself.

To pamper herself.

To give herself a hug.

She decided that she would go to the nail salon!

Holly walked into Pretty Nails and found that they had availability RIGHT THEN!

Yay for Holly.

Holly then noted that she was the ONLY person in the salon that didn’t work there.

Lucky, lucky Holly.

This was Holly’s third visit to the nail salon in 37 years (averaging one visit every 12.333333 years).

Her first visit was right before her wedding. She had a manicure with those faux nails. She then spent her honeymoon trying to rip off the faux nails one by one with her teeth because they were driving her crazy.

Holly doesn’t bite her real nails, just her faux ones.

Let’s just admit that she might suffer from PTWFNS (Post Traumatic Wedding Faux Nail Syndrome) and assume that she is not at the nail salon for a manicure:

Yep! Holly is going to kick off her fancy boots for a pedicure.

After a lot of hand motions, Holly gathers from the salon employee that she is supposed to choose what pedicure she wants.

Holly has no idea but decides that she wants to put her feet in warm water and she doesn’t want to mortgage her house to pay for it.

Let’s have a spa pedicure!

Holly is motioned into a massage chair made in heaven. Her feet are placed in clouds of warm water.

Wow! This IS the life:

Holly is relaxing.

Holly is meditating.

Holly is basking in the sunshine radiating from her soul.

It occurs to Holly that the salon employees are talking. And it is serious. In fact, there might even be a bit of yelling going on.

But Holly remains clueless as to WHY since the heated discussion is not in Holly’s native tongue.

And then there is some screaming.

Oh, that would be Holly as her foot is savagely attacked by a salon employee who is simultaneously screaming at another employee.

The screaming continues between the salon employees. No one in the salon has noticed that Holly has joined in.

Then there was some stomping.

And some door slamming.

And then it got very quiet.

Holly looks up and she is still the only person in the salon except now there are no salon employees.

All the salon employees are outside the front door. All she can see through the door and window are wild hand motions.

And then the door opened, a phrase that Holly recognized was uttered…YOU ARE FIRED!

And then another door slam.

These words were hurled at the very salon employee who had been working on Holly’s feet.

This salon employee then grabbed her purse and slammed the door on her way out.

And then it got quiet. Everyone came back inside. Another lady sat down at Holly’s feet.

No mention of what happened.

No comment as to the commotion.

It was almost like they expected Holly not to notice.
The end.

Holly got ready.

Ready for something she hasn’t done in years.

Holly realized that she had only one pair of jeans that fit well. She had no choice but to go shopping for another pair.

Why has Holly not been jean shopping for years?

Maybe because last time she went shopping for jeans she entered the store as a confident woman and exited the store as a huddled mass yearning to be free of her obvious body disfigurements.

For you see, in non-jean-shopping-life Holly is OK with her body. She is not in love with her shape, but has accepted it and moves on…

Yet for some reason, in jean-shopping-life all that changes.

Holly’s non-jean-shopping THIGHS are OK, but her jean-shopping THIGHS appear like over-stuffed, dimpled sausage.

Holly’s non-jean-shopping WAIST is OK, but her jean-shopping WAIST creates plumber-effect.

In non-jean shopping-life Holly never met a tailor. In jean-shopping-life Holly has never met a pair of jeans that didn’t require a skilled one.

Holly recruited a friend for moral support. Holly wasn’t sure about the morality, but could really use the support.

Soon Holly was back in a dressing room with an ever-growing pile of ill-fitting jeans.

*Hold me*

Just about the time Holly was about to slip into her pre-existing Post-Traumatic Jean Shopping Syndrome, the sales clerk asked her to try on one more pair.

Holly tried on the jeans.

Holly was puzzled.

Something was different.

Very different.

The jeans fit.

*cue the angel choir*

Where did you find these jeans that fit so perfectly?

The men’s department.

Yep.

In jean-shopping-life Holly is a boy.

Once upon a time not far from Holly’s house in a popular suburb of one of the country’s largest cities was a pumpkin patch. And by pumpkin patch Holly means a large picturesque field where pumpkins are trucked in and laid in neat rows.

Holly and her family visited and enjoyed the pumpkin patch very much. They looked forward to the following fall so that they could visit again.

The next year Holly was surprised to see the WHOLE field full of pumpkins. She couldn’t wait to go visit the super-sized pumpkin patch.

Hey, wait!

It wasn’t just one pumpkin patch. It was now two.

Practically identical pumpkin patches sitting right next to each other.

Holly wasn’t the only one that noticed the phenomenon.

The pumpkin patches noticed each other.

Soon each patch had new signs:

And then some more signs:

At this point some legal action took place that Holly is too tired to review and report back to you. She assumes it involved lawyers, judges and a whole bunch of pumpkin patch proceeds.

She would also like to make the following legal disclaimer: Holly has no further understanding of this case then what is obvious to the general public while driving a minivan past the patches at no more than 50 mph. Nothing drawn in marker should be construed as fact, opinion or slander.

Once the case was settled, things settled down a bit at the patches.

One of the patches received a new name!

And so it went for a few pumpkin seasons. The Patch and Village coexisted in a civil manner. As civil as two fighting children required to sit next to each other.

Then a new sign appeared this fall on the patch formally known as Village:

It appeared they had changed their name to Park.

Why Park?

Holly thinks that it might have something to do with the fact that when you drive from town toward the Patch, you cannot tell that there are two separate pumpkin entities. All you are looking for is pumpkins and a place to park:

That Pumpkin Park is so sneaky it is downright scary.

I am a people watcher. I love sitting in a public place and observing others. One of my favorite things is how people protect their personal space.

For instance, in an elevator everyone stands equidistant from each other:

Sometimes I like to mess with the elevator people a bit by shifting my position ever so slightly as to create imbalance and watch the subconscious chaos ensue.

Obviously karma has been watching and taken action to balance the world, because my off-spring have an entirely different take on the elevator scene.

Let me state right now that I don’t let my children ride elevators by themselves so this is purely hypothetical:

I have noticed this phenomenon at home.

Where ever I am the room is completely imbalanced.

Where ever I walk it is crowded.

Where ever I pee it is accompanied.

What a huge waste of square footage.

I am selling the house and moving into the minivan.

At least there they are strapped in an equidistant formation.

Holly has been cutting blog-Stedman’s hair for years.

Years

and years

and years.

She has some fancy hair cuttin’ scissors.
She has some electric clippers.
She has no formal hair cuttin’ training.

Every once in awhile she has to remind blog-Stedman that he gets what he pays for.

Overall, it has worked out well…

Well, except for that time back in ’92 when Holly accidentally cut a bald spot in blog-Stedman’s temple the day before he started a fancy new job.

Shhhh…that time is long forgotten.

So, imagine Holly’s delight when she watched Oprah the other day. Oprah was interviewing America’s most frugal family.

America’s most frugal family cuts their own hair!

Yay for America’s most frugal family.

Yay for Oprah.

Yay for Holly.

Wow.

Holly should be on Oprah!

And then Holly had what Oprah calls a lightbulb moment…

Holly should share her hair cuttin’ joy with her three boys.

That is what America’s most frugal family does.

Holly is sure that is what Oprah would do if she had three boys and wasn’t rich and famous.

Holly paused the television and ushered the boys into the kitchen. She sat them down one by one on a hair cuttin’ stool and covered them with a professional cape.

There was a lot of clipping.
There was a lot of cutting.
The hair was a flyin’.
There might have even been a bit of complainin’.

When Holly stood back and assessed her work, she smiled.

She smiled.

And giggled a bit.

And then she rushed to her computer.

After Googling, “mullet reversal”, Holly decided that the next time her hair cuttin’ scissors wanted to save money she would think about using them to clip a coupon.

Part I is here… and this is a very complex story that would be difficult to jump right into.

We left Bitter Holly in the hallway adjoining the important meeting room where she was sitting with other adults. She is talking on an emergency phone call from the electrician that installed her right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

He showed up at her house about 133 hours outside of the given 12 hour service window.

Bitter Holly soon figures out that the electrical company that installed her right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness was not paying attention when she told him on the phone:

• what was wrong
• the product number
• the serial number

This makes Bitter Holly a bit more bitter.

Bitter Holly’s reading audience will be relieved that she did previously attempt to change the light bulb and had ruled that out as a cause of the fruit bowl situation.

The electrician doesn’t have the right part to fix the problem.

He is going to go to his super secret electrician location to find the part and return later that day when Bitter Holly is home.

Later that day in Holly’s sunny suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence…

Yay! The electrician returns.

Imagine Bitter Holly’s shock when the electrician that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness says that the light is not working.

Wow.

Add super observant to his job title*.

*For the purposes of this story, I am not adding super observant to his job title because I think his current title is long enough. Feel free to take note of this change and at home use whichever title you prefer.*

Uh-oh.

The electrician that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness still doesn’t have the proper part even after a trip to his super secret electrician location.

He offers to change out a few bulbs that are burned out. He also changes the bulbs in the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing Holly’s fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly doesn’t ask questions.

Bitter Holly bitterly looks on.

Bitter, bitter Holly.

The electrician that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing Holly’s fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness states that he will return with the proper part after ordering it from the super secret electrician location. He says he will call Bitter Holly when it is received.

Bitter Holly knows she will never see him again.

Bitter Holly is facing the new fruit bowl reality.

Bitter Holly would have waved when he left, but she was using all her energy being really, super duper, extra-strength, extraordinarily bitter:

*A few weeks later*
Bitter Holly stomped out to get the mail (that is what bitter people do).

Bitter Holly notices an envelope from the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness:

Huh?

Bitter Holly looks a little closer:

Bitter Holly looks and sees that $279.50 was billed for changing 4 light bulbs.

Bitter Holly also notices that she was charged for the labor of 2 men. Bitter Holly wonders if one of the electricians was invisible.

Bitter Holly wonders if the invisible electrician might have been able to fix her right under-cabinet light if she was able to locate him.

She assumes he must be at the super secret electrician location.

Bitter Holly has this reaction:

Bitter Holly Rolls On the Floor with Laughter.

(ROFL).

Bitter Holly rolls.

Bitter Holly laughs.

Bitter Holly is down-right hysterical.

Bitter Holly continues to giggle for days.

Bitter Holly laughs so long that the bitter label no longer is applicable.

Holly then decides to spread the cheer by calling the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

The electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light currently causing Holly’s fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness did not find the whole situation as funny as Holly did.

They did agree not to charge Holly $279.50 for changing 4 light bulbs.

They did agree that Holly would not be charged anything until the problem was actually fixed.

Holly got the impression that a big black mark would be going through her name and posted by the phone at the super secret electrician location.

That is OK with Holly.

She isn’t bitter about it or anything.

Legend has it that if you visit Holly’s house today you will see this:

Holly let the left under-cabinet light bulbs burn out.

Now the darkness is symmetrical which makes Holly much happier.

Holly’s fruit bowl is empty which is OK because you can’t properly appreciate all that fruit when it is so dark.

The Legend of Bitter Holly originally aired here on the Nirvana in April of 2008.  I don’t want to overly foreshadow, but it is the root of why I give a periodic fruit bowl update…

Our legend begins in a sunny suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn’t) have a white picket fence.

Holly who is naturally perky enters her kitchen and turns on the lights.

Hmmmm…something doesn’t look right to Holly.

Her fruit bowl is sitting in partial darkness.

Hey that isn’t right thinks Holly.

She starts to formulate a plan of action.

Good thinking Holly!

She places a call to the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

Holly is very thorough.

She wants the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to understand exactly what he needs to fix.

Holly has a bit of experience with people who come to fix things and don’t have the proper part.

The electrical company then gives Holly a service window for their impending repair of the right under-cabinet light.

Oh goody! Holly loves it when a company gives her a service window. The bigger the better!

*Two weeks later*
Holly has her to do list ready.

Uh-oh. Holly notices that the to do list is comprised of things that need to be done OUTSIDE of the home. She is not sure what time she can leave the home because she is expecting the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness. Holly will just wait at home for the electrician and then do her errands after he leaves.

Uh-oh. Holly waited for 12 hours. Holly did not leave the house. Holly did not complete any of her to do list. Holly did not see any electrician, let alone an electrician that works for the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

Holly decides she might need to call the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to re-schedule since it appears that today’s 12 hour window wasn’t large enough for him to visit her.

Holly is very thorough. She wants the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness to understand exactly what he needs to fix. Holly has a bit of experience with people who come to fix things and don’t have the proper part.

The electrical company then gives Holly a service window for their impending repair of the right under-cabinet light.

Oh goody! Holly loves it when a company gives her a service window for the second time. The bigger the better!

*Two weeks later*
Yep, you guessed it. The electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing Holly’s fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness did not show up.

Holly is pretty mad.

Holly is so fretful she can’t discuss it further.

Holly made this handy dandy reference chart for your review:

Holly looks at the handy dandy reference chart for your review and realizes that she is bitter.

Holly is so very, very bitter that she can’t even face calling the electrical company that installed the right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness. Bitter Holly decides that instead of facing this problem, she will utilize one of her favorite defense-mechanisms.

Bitter Holly’s favorite defense-mechanism is to ignore it and hope it will go away.

Bitter Holly tries to continue her life even though her fruit bowl is sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly gets out of bed each morning despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly goes through the motions of daily life despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness.

Bitter Holly goes to bed each night despite her fruit bowl sitting in partial darkness (well, really at night it is in total darkness, but the pain is just the same).

As the days pass it seems easier to adjust to the fruit bowl situation.

In fact, one day Bitter Holly is invited to an important meeting at her child’s school. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will see other adults. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will sit with other adults. At this important meeting Bitter Holly will talk with other adults.

Sign Bitter Holly up!

At this important meeting with other adults, Bitter Holly tries to act responsible, smart and capable.

She tries to think before she speaks.

She is glad she wore the skirt today.

She is even keeping her bitterness in check.

She is feeling very blended-in when:

RING!

RING!

RING!

Bitter Holly pities the poor person who forgot to turn off their cell phone.

Crap.

That would be Bitter Holly.

Bitter Holly scrambles for the phone causing purse contents to scatter.

Bitter Holly is drawing a lot of unwanted attention to herself.

At this very moment, Bitter Holly doesn’t look very responsible, smart or capable.

That just adds to the bitterness that Bitter Holly is no longer keeping in check.

Bitter Holly locates the phone and flings herself into the adjoining hall.

Bitter Holly is sure that anyone calling to interrupt her important meeting with other adults must be bleeding or in peril.

She answers the emergency call.

The emergency call is from the electrical company that installed her right under-cabinet light that is currently causing her fruit bowl to sit in partial darkness.

The electrician is at Bitter Holly’s home right now.

To be continued…
Will Bitter Holly throw her fancy phone across the hall adjoining the meeting with other adults?
Is the fruit bowl destined to sit in partial darkness?
How long can Holly stretch this story out?
Tune into the Nirvana tomorrow to find out.