Every once in awhile I have run into someone wearing what appeared to be gorilla feet:

It is hard to avert your eyes.

I mean, I don’t MEAN to stare…but really they are ridiculous looking.

So, of course, I had to buy a pair.

But give me a break on the gorilla look, I chose a cute little ballet-like flat:

OK, no self-respecting ballerina would be caught dead in these, but they are a bit more dainty than the black men’s version…

Maybe not exactly dainty, but less monkey-like.

I realize that gorillas aren’t actually monkeys but give me a break here I am running out of descriptive words.

Blog-Stedman was the one who really wanted some.  I think he felt like if he talked me into a pair too it would justify his pair.  We started out by trying to order online, but the sizing is pretty complicated and not traditional shoe sizes.  We decided to go to a local sporting goods store that carried them so we could try them on in person.

I am glad we did because both of us ended up with sizes that were different than what we would have ordered using the DIY measuring they suggest online.

Blog-Stedman was sold on the Vibram FiveFingers KSO in black (in the first picture above) as soon as he put them on.

I was still mumbling about how silly they looked and I didn’t see the point.

I tried on several pairs.  My favorite pair was the new FiveFingers BIKILA in pink/orange because they had a thicker sole on the weight-bearing portion of the foot sole specifically for running.

I don’t run.

They were the most comfortable ones I tried on, but they were out of my size.  I ended up with the FiveFingers CLASSIC (pictured above).

I was still mumbling about how silly they looked and I didn’t see the point.

Blog-Stedman has LOVED wearing his.  He thinks they are much more comfortable than regular shoes.  He has worn them walking, around the house and for light hiking.  His main complaint is that you can feel rocks and such through the sole of the shoes.

I am still mumbling about how silly they look and I don’t see the point.

It has been very difficult for me to break them in.  I have been getting blisters or irritated areas each time I wear them on the back of my heel.  They often make my feet feel hot and  a little claustrophobic at times.

It isn’t the toe separation that bothers me.  One of my favorite pairs of flip-flops has separators between each toe:

I think if I can completely break them in they might be relatively comfortable.

But not bare feet comfortable.

Or flip-flop with toe separation comfortable.

I guess I am still mumbling about how silly they look and I don’t see the point.

Except in this situation, there was a point:

It made total sense to wear these on a light hike with the boys next to a creek which ended up with the adults down stream acting as a safety net for fallen and drifting boys.

1. The Closer – This is hands down my favorite show.  It has intelligent people acting intelligently.  It also has a strong quirky factor which I can appreciate.
2. Project Runway – This is reality TV at its best.  A simple challenge, process, drama and conclusion all within an hour.  Since the finished product is on display for all to see, it is fun to judge at home and see if the real judges agree.
3. Top Chef – I am amazed how addicting this show is even though I can’t taste the food.  I can’t cook, but I have a huge appreciation for those who can.
4. Psych – I recently started watching this show and I find myself giggling through the whole episode.  It is kitschy, silly and over-the-top.
5. Glee – I might just break into a musical number thinking about how much fun it is to watch this show.

What is on YOUR TiVo?

I have been married for almost 20 years to a pack rat.

A very sweet pack rat.

The way I cope with blog-Stedman’s multitude of treasures is to give him his own space and shut the door.

I don’t go in.

Ever.

It is scary in there.

He currently has several areas which are zoned Holly-free:  the room he has his drums, his master bedroom closet, a majority of the attic and his study.  When we built the house he worked outside the home so his home “office” was a place for books and a computer.  It is right off the main hall of the house.

Now that he works at home full time his home office has turned into HIS space.

I don’t go in.

Ever.

Except to kiss him goodnight.

And I close my eyes.

Over the last few weeks I have been organizing the house.  I have been tossin’ and givin’ things away.  The boys’ closets, the boys’ toys, my closet, the kitchen, my office, etc. have all received my ruthless organizational treatment.

Whew.  I feel lighter.

Before we left for vacation, I decided to tackle blog-Stedman’s office.

*Hold me*

Because I value my marriage, I didn’t throw ANYTHING away.  In fact, I didn’t even take it off the shelf.  What I did was buy a ton of black cardboard boxes and magazine holders and merely re-locate things that were piled on shelves INTO boxes on that same shelf.

Yep.  I am a genius.

The office looks AMAZING.  Every time blog-Stedman asks where I put something, all I have to say is that it is in the exact same location ONLY housed in a cute little box.

BUT the makeover did invade his space and has created some wariness that I might start in on some of the other untouchable spaces.

As we were unpacking from vacation this afternoon, I was taking my suitcase back into HIS closet where it has been stored for the last 5 years when I noticed the mountain of suitcases on the floor.  Most of the suitcases that are taking up valuable blog-Stedman closet space we haven’t used in years.

I decided I was going to take out all the suitcases and put them up in the attic.

STOP!

Blog-Stedman decided he better stop me from throwing out all the suitcases help me.

We pulled out some suitcases that we have used in the last few years and I made a pile to go upstairs.

We pulled out some suitcases that we have NOT used in the last few years and I made a pile to go to the garage for the giveaway pile or the trash.

Blog-Stedman was NOT on board with the second pile.

As I was emptying out the pocket of one of the doomed bags, he grabbed the papers in my hand.

Him:  What are you doing?

Me:  I am going to throw this away.

Stop!

Why?  We haven’t used this bag in 15 years.

He grabs this brochure out of my hand:

Yes, but 15 years ago we went to Paris with this bag.

So.  If we haven’t missed what was inside this bag for 15 years, I think we can live without it.

YOU ARE THROWING AWAY MEMORIES!

OK.  That last statement stopped me in my tracks.

I don’t want to throw away memories!

I love memories!

I apologized as I reached for the Paris brochure so I could set it aside and save this cherished misplaced memory in a safer place when it fell open:

Yep.  Our cherished misplaced Paris memory was the suitcase informational booklet.

And then I organized the rest of the suitcases without challenge from blog-Stedman.

The end.

We visited Winter Park, CO on Sunday.

Get it?

The title of this post is Summer Park.

And it is really Winter Park.

A few days of vacation can really unleash my creativity.

Winter Park has an alpine slide that requires anyone over 45 inches to ride alone.

My first impression was…obviously, they haven’t seen Reid(7) drive.

So, we lined the boys up – kid, adult, kid, adult and then my niece rode with Rhett.

Ryan went first followed by blog-Stedman.

It was then Reid’s turn and I noticed that he attentively listened to the directions of the slide attendant.

Very good.

He got started going down the hill at a good pace.

I followed behind admiring his safe driving.

Until he slowed down at the bottom of the hill…

…and I SLAMMED into him.

Somehow his brake-to-weight ratio allowed him to stop much more suddenly than my brake-to-weight ratio.

Oh, and I rear-ended him right in front of the observation deck where it caused quite a stir among the on-lookers…and allowed my Sis-in-law to get the whole thing photographed.

And that is how I ended up realizing that I would have had a safer trip down the Winter Park alpine slide if Reid had driven me.

Dear Nirvana Reader,
This is a plea for help. I could be beautiful. I am neglected.

I can prove it.

This is my life:

8:00 am:Please don’t make me tell you what meal yesterday the Frito is from.

No one swept me last night.

No one swept me this morning.

10:30 am:Yes, now I am enduring not only REAL food, but faux food as well.

Please notice that the Frito remains. It is like an itch I cannot scratch.

1:15 pm:Great. Smashed goldfish were added from lunch.

And the stickers. I never can be free from the stickers.

4:00:Yes, the wide shot is better to see the real picture of what is happening here. See that marker? Non-washable.

She is insane…3 boys and she buys a non-washable marker?

Do you see what I am dealing with here people?

6:30 pm:Whew. Progress. First time all day that progress is being made.

Toys picked up…well, actually scooted to the adjoining concrete floor (don’t get him started) to make room for the broom…ah, I can feel the joy already.

7:45:This is getting a bit irritating.

The

broom

is

right

here.

Please.

Please use it!

9:00 pm:Are you kidding me? It’s getting quiet around here.

No one loves me. She just walks by. Leaving the broom here is just evil. It is like she is mocking me.

6:15 am:I just spent the whole night dreaming of that broom. Bet she just puts it away and I live like this through another day.

For the love of Frito’s, could you just humor me and pick that ONE up?

Pleadingly,
Holly’s kitchen floor

P.S.  I originally made this plea in March of 2008.  Things haven’t changed much around here except the addition of handfuls of Legos…help.

I was recently summoned to the television by my husband to view the latest as seen on TV treasure…The Booty Pop.

What do ALL women look at when buying jeans?

That’s right!  Their sexy or not so sexy bottoms!

Imagine being to reshape your backside and achieve that ultimate lifted booty instantly!

It’s here.

Hollywood’s hottest new trade secret…The Booty Pop.

Just like the padded bra enhances, The Booty Pop panties are REVOLUTIONIZING woman’s undergarments giving you sexy curves and the ultimate lift.

I have to admit that I was unaware that I needed a lifted booty.

In fact, I have to admit to not really paying much attention to what was happening back there.

Obviously, Booty Pop was something I couldn’t live without for another minute.

I ordered online.

The $19.99 price seemed a bit high for underwear, but I had already committed to revolutionizing my backside.

I was offered additional pairs for FREE…well, for the close to $7 shipping/handling charge. No thanks, I think I might be able to fit a wash day between ultimate lifted booty days.

I was offered tons of expedited shipping options (for an additional $5 – $20) because Booty Pops are so popular that they are filling millions of orders and might not get to mine for 12 weeks.  No thanks, I have lived 40 years with an unlifted bottom, a few more weeks won’t hurt.

Just when I was about to push the BUY button, the geniuses at Booty Pop mentioned that I was about to order the INFERIOR Booty Pop which very possibly will cause VPL – Visible Panty Lines.

VPL?

How will anyone be able to enjoy the view of my sexy new bottom if they are distracted by visible panty lines?

THANKFULLY, I could upgrade my Booty Pop to the deluxe version which promised to be sans lines for ONLY $5.

Whew.

My Booty Pop total for ONE pair was $32.

$32 to revolutionize my world.

I received my Booty Pop within 2 weeks of my order.  I guess Booty Pop took mercy on my flat butt despite my resistance to upgrade my shipping.

I tried it on ASAP under the cotton shorts I was wearing and nearly died of laughter.  When you put them on under a thin fabric, you can see the oval POP! on each buttock which is NOT very attractive…no VPL, but BPL – Booty Pop Lines.

Under jeans the BPL are hidden.

Before:

After:

Yes. I just posted pictures of my butt on the internet.  This is a new blogging low.

One thing I didn’t like was that even though I ordered the size I would wear, they are too large which causes the VPL-free panty to shift causing my revolutionizing new curves to migrate into unflattering positions including the double bump.

A bump for the booty pop.

A bump for my actual booty.

And because I can’t help myself, here is the finale:

If you plan on wearing your Booty Pop with your Pajama Jeans, please be warned that the rise of the Pajama Jeans is lower than the rise of the Booty Pop and you won’t be worried about VPL, but APL – Actual Panty Lines.

And now that I don’t have to exercise for a shapely behind, I guess I don’t need the Skechers Shape-Ups anymore…

Alrighty, here is the third installment of JCN readers book suggestions.  It all started with a plea and then a list of summer reads for mom (me), books that a 9 year old boy would read and now today…

*drum roll*

Books that a 7 year old boy will like!

I have added a few comments below to books we have read or books I read with Ryan.  I will be adding comments as time goes on!  These are listed by most suggested at the top.

Thanks again for all your help.

What books would interest a 2nd grade boy:

Magic Treehouse series, by Mary Pope Osborne — I love these books, but Ryan was not interested.  I think this series will work much better with Reid who lives in his imagination.

Encyclopedia Brown, by Donald J. Sobol

Captain Underpants, by Dav Pikey

Junie B. Jones series, by Barbara Park

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis

The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein

Frog & Toad, by Arnold Lobel — All of us loved this book and saw the children’s play based on it…super fun.

Anything by Beverly Cleary

Flat Stanley, by Jeff Brown — If you are a relative, you may have already found Flat Stanley in your mailbox.  Also a play that we attended…yay!

Where the Sidewalk Ends, by Shel Silverstein

The Light in the Attic, by Shel Silverstein

Frindle, by Andrew Clements

Anything by Ronald Dahl

SkippyJon Jones, by Judy Schachner

Sideways Stories from Wayside School, by Louis Sachar, Salmon

Suzie Bitner Was Afraid of the Drain, by Barbara R. Vance

How to Train Your Dragon series, by Cressida Cowell — Reid is currently reading some of the easy readers under this title.  He loves them.

Another book that we just finished that was dropped off by a friend that all the boys loved was Little Pear by Eleanor Lattimore.  It had fun, mischief and was about their current obsession, China.

Please add any suggestions that we missed in the comments below!

It was a quiet evening at home.  The boys were all tucked into their beds…well, by this time they were most likely congregated in one bed.

Blog-Stedman and I were nestled watching a movie and feeling pretty happy that everything was so calm and it was only 10:30 pm.

I stepped out of bed to run to the bathroom when my entire body vaulted itself into a standing position on the bed.

And then I screamed.

Blog-Stedman looked up at me…

WHAT’S WRONG crazy screaming woman in my bed?

I pointed down to the floor where a snake laid coiled on the dark floor approximately 6 inches from where my foot had rested for less than a nanosecond.

I am no fan of the snake.

I am no fan of the snake in my bedroom.

I might have screamed again.

Poor blog-Stedman.  He isn’t really a fan of the snake either, but he was a guy with a screaming wife dancing on the bed so he had no choice but to take action.

Holly, go into the living room and call animal control.  I will stay here and watch the snake.

I was obviously not wearing shoes at that moment which suddenly seemed to be a very big issue to me.  I considered going to get shoes, but decided against it since my closet was now in snake territory.

So I ran barefoot and screaming from the room abandoning blog-Stedman and the snake.

I have animal control on speed dial.  Since I know them so well, I was aware that they close at 7 pm.  Because of my frequent encounters with all God’s creatures, I was aware that the local police department takes over for animal control at 7:01 pm each evening so I dialed the non-emergency line to the police department despite the fact that I feel that a snake in my bedroom is a very big emergency.

While waiting, blog-Stedman would occasionally call out a snake updates.

Not necessary. I was not interested in anything snake-related except snake-removal.

A long-suffering policeman showed up within minutes and seemed a bit amused at me barefoot and in my pajamas pointing him down the hall into snake territory while plotting how I would never again sleep without shoes.

I might have screamed again.

He was able to capture the snake in a plastic storage bin that I provided.

Whew.

He brought it out to the living room.

Ewww.

For me to see.

No thanks.

He was sweet to ask what I wanted done with the snake.

Don’t care!  Just get it out of here.

And that he would return the storage container.

No thanks!  I wouldn’t be using that again. Ever. You can keep it!

Statistically the snake was at least 3 feet long and about an inch in diameter.  Statistically the snake was not poisonous even though it had markings similar to a copperhead.  Statistically I was in no danger.

Statistically I am now wearing my snake fighting boots in the house.

I needed help finding books that my 9 year old boy would read.  You helped me…THANKS.

Here is the recommended book list for Fourth grade boys listed by the most often suggested.

I see several that we have read and added my comments – I will be updating those as we continue through the list this summer…and beyond.

So, without any further ado…

Books suggested for a 9 year old boy:

Diary of a Wimpy Kid, by Jeff Kinney — We have loved this series.  All of my boys like to hear this read aloud.

Harry Potter series, byJ. K. Rowling

Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, by Rick Riordan

Narnia Series, by C. S. Lewis — I haven’t read this with my boys yet, but it was a favorite of mine as a kid.

Hardy Boys, by Franklin W. Dixon — Ryan and blog-Stedman are reading some of the OLD books that he had as a kid.  Ryan hasn’t fallen in love with them…yet.

A Series of Unfortunate Events, by Lemony Snickett

Hank the Cowdog series, by John R. Erickson

The 39 Clues series, various authors

Boxcar children series, by Gertrude Chandler Warner — We LOVED the first book in this series and hope to read more soon.

Goosebump Series, by R. L. Stine

The Spiderwick Chronicles, by Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black

Henry Series, by Beverly Cleary

Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing, by Judy Blume

Anything by Beverly Cleary

fudge / Superfudge, by Judy Blume

The Black Lagoon, by Mike Thaler

2030; A Day In The Life Of Tomorrow’s Kids, by Zuckerman and Daly

All books by Madeleine L’Engle

Sideways Stories from Wayside School, by Louis Sachar

Suzie Bitner Was Afraid of the Drain, by Barbara R. Vance

Hatchet, by Gary Paulsen

The Indian in the Cupboard, by Lynne Reid Banks

A-Z Mystery books, by Ron Roy

James and the Giant Peach, by Ronald Dahl

Bridge to Terabithia, by Katherine Paterson

If I have missed out on some good ones, please add them in the comments below.

If you are looking for reading materials this summer for yourself, please check out the book recommendations for moms and I will soon post the recommendations for a 2nd grade boy.

Thanks again!

Objective: By the end of today’s lesson the student will be able to properly demonstrate the necessary steps to successfully place a dog in an automobile.

Time: 51 minutes

Laboratory Information: Students will be divided into groups of two. These partners should have good working knowledge of the other individual’s problem solving skills. If the partners have been married for 17 years, this is a bonus.

Required Materials:
(refer to figure A)
1. 50 lb. bulldog approximately 8 years old with a skin condition.
2. Two blue plastic child’s golf clubs.
3. One yellow plastic child’s golf club.
4. One green bucket.
5. One hose fitted with multi-sprayer capabilities including “power wash”.
6. One child’s black plastic billy club from a Halloween police costume.
7. Standard garden rake.
8. One child’s white plastic space grabber from a Halloween spaceman costume.
8. Grey minivan.

Fig. A

Instructions:
1. Make arrangements for quick get away vacation to Casinos with another couple.
2. Make reservation for dog at local boarding location.
3. Go to back yard to retrieve dog.
4. Open back door to allow dog to walk through house into garage.
5. Open back of SUV for dog to be pushed up into.
6. Note that dog heads straight for the minivan and scurries underneath.
7. Note that dog is lodged under minivan.
8. Note disgusted expression on dog’s face.
9. Call to dog.
10. Repeat.
11. Repeat with a happier voice to entice dog.
12. Repeat with an exasperated voice to demonstrate frustration to dog.
13. Retrieve bread from kitchen.
14. Lay out path of bread crumbs that start at dog’s nose and extend to area OUTSIDE the under portion of the minivan.
15. Watch dog carefully as dog refuses all food.
16. Place minivan in neutral and try to push minivan back avoiding wheel to dog contact.
17. Honk the minivan horn wildly.
18. Observe dog not moving.
19. Start minivan and place gear into reverse.
20. Have partner monitor dog’s distance to wheel with hands.
21. Slowly drive backward.
22. Watch partner’s hands get closer and closer together.
23. Stop when partner motions that dog’s body is next to wheel.
24. Repeat the honking.
25. Turn off car.
26. Fill green bucket with water.
27. Throw water from opposite side of minivan into the general direction of dog.
28. Note that dog has not budged.
29. Get out hose with power wash functioning head.
30. Point power wash spray in general direction of dog’s butt.
31. Note how dog is irritated by water.
32. Note how dog snaps at water with teeth.
33. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
34. Retrieve two blue child’s golf clubs.
35. Poke irritated dog.
36. Note how dog bites golf clubs.
37. Note how dog’s position remains unchanged.
38. Retrieve child’s billy club (black plastic from Halloween police costume).
39. Retrieve child’s space grabber (white plastic from Halloween spaceman costume). Not pictured.
40. Use billy club in one hand and space grabber in the other to attempt collar placement on dog’s neck.
41. Note how dog is biting at billy club and space grabber.
42. Have partner offer yellow child’s golf club to dog to chew on during collar placement.
43. Recommend that next dog might be one with a larger HEAD then NECK for better collar placement options.
44. Once collar is tentatively placed, one partner should be manning hose while the other is pulling dog forward.
45. Repeat steps 40-44 as needed due to collar slippage.
46. Note that dog’s position remains unchanged.
47. Refrain from above steps out of exhaustion.
48. Take a break.
49. Retrieve the rake.
50. One partner should then lay on ground on opposite side of minivan and use rake forcefully to PUSH dog forward.
51. The other partner should then PULL on collar of dog carefully watching for collar slippage.
52. Steps 50 & 51 should be done simultaneously.
53. Note that dog’s position has slightly changed!
54. REPEAT!
55. REPEAT!
56. REPEAT!
57. Note that dog is freed from underneath minivan.
58. Walk dog to back of SUV.
59. Push dog up into back of SUV.
60. Note how wet dog shakes all over inside of SUV.

Assessment: If you have properly followed all the above steps, your finished product will look like this:

Class Dismissed.

Teacher disclaimer: No 50 lb. bulldog was harmed in the making of this lesson ONLY through the amazing patience exhibited by the lab partners.