the christmas quilt picture story of 2007

Welcome to the Sixth Annual Posting of the Christmas Quilt Picture Story.

This quilt was given to me at my first baby shower. Each year my children are subjected to posing with it for holiday photographs.

In 2007, I again dragged the kids down to a large department store portrait studio.  It was the same studio chain that had taken each previous Christmas quilt picture.  Thankfully, this year I had my mom with me to help contain the boy chaos that was about to ensue.

We walked into the studio and it was deserted.   I sighed in relief.

The one photographer on duty did not seem pleased that we had made it to our appointment.  Uh-oh.

I explained to her that I brought a quilt to use for background. I went on to explain how previous photographers had attached it to the portrait studio equipment for the last 6 years. I told her that I would be purchasing ONE portrait 5 x 7 to match the 6 I have at home from previous years.

The photographer took the quilt into the studio and started what turned out to be a 15 minute process of quilt arrangement. She made it clear through eye contact avoidance and heavy sighing that she was not going to be hanging it the way I suggested.

Finally, she called that she was ready.

She arranged the older boys (ages 4 & 6) kneeling behind a chair where the baby (almost 2) was to sit.

The baby freaked and we spent 5 minutes bribing, cajoling and tricking the him into the chair. It finally worked.

We are picture ready!

1, 2, 3…POP! I pop the binky out of the baby’s mouth for the picture…
AND
*silence*
Nothing.
No picture.
No series of flashes.
Nothing captured on film.

I turned to the photographer and said, “I am going to pull the binky out so you can get a picture.”
Instead of listening to me, she starts fussing at the older boys for moving (they have been little statues for the last 8 minutes in a kneeling position).

Recap:  24 minutes/0 pictures

1, 2, 3…POP! I pop the binky out of the baby’s mouth for the picture…
AND
*silence*
I yell, “OK, we are ready!”
ONE FLASH:

A flurry of post-picture movement ensues.
The photographer yells to get everyone settled down.

1, 2, 3…POP!
*pause*
*crickets*
*silence*
and finally as if in slow motion…
ONE FLASH:

By this point the older boys are legitimately complaining and needing to move.

I ask if we can switch poses.

No.

NO?

No. This is the ONLY way she can get the portrait 5 x 7 I requested.

That is weird. I guess all portrait 5×7 pictures in the entire universe of 3 boys have two on their knees and a baby in a small, white wicker chair in front of them.

I calmly suggest that they all sit.

That won’t work!

At this point she is saved by a phone call.

While she is out of the room answering the phone I arrange the boys on several red blocks I find in the room.

She returns.

I announce, “we are ready!”

1, 2, 3…POP!
*silence*
*more silence*
*continued silence*
*yep, more silence*
ONE FLASH:

After that flash, the boys scatter in 3 different directions.

I say, “OK, we are finished”.

She says, “I have to get individual pictures”.

“I am not going to buy individual pictures”.

She sets up for individual pictures.

Boy #1: Sitting by himself. Almost in tears.

She is yelling, “Smile! I can’t take the picture until you smile!”

It was ugly.

So ugly that grandma stepped in and said, “here lets take a picture on grandma’s lap” so she got positioned.

ONE FLASH:

Whew. One down.

Boy #2: Sitting on grandma’s lap. Traumatized by recent photographic events. Fidgeting. Grandma gently rocks to calm him.

She yells, “Stop moving! I can’t take the picture if you move like that!”

The rocking continues because boy #2 is upset.

“Stop moving!”

“Take the picture!” I scream.

ONE FLASH:

That is enough!

I say, “we are done”.

Grandma gathers the boys and heads to the mall play area.

The photographer starts to chase them into the department store.

The photographer starts to chase them into the department store!

I say, “what are you doing?”

She says, “MA’AM, I CAN’T EVEN SHOW YOU THESE PICTURES UNTIL I HAVE 6″.

We have been there for 37 minutes and she only has 5 shots.

“TAKE MY PICTURE NOW!”

And then she poses me.
Sideways to the camera, looking over my shoulder and with both thumbs in the back pocket of my mommy jean capris.

ONE FLASH:

And that is how I ended up with a picture of myself with a pleasant “mommy about to make the 6 o’clock news with violent attack on photographer at local department store” expression on my face.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Thanks so much for reading June Cleaver Nirvana.

I love writing a mom blog.  Here are some of my very favorite mom blogs posts:

Mom blogs about how size matters.

Mom blogs about buying jeans.

Mom blogs about mommy blogging.

Tagged as: holiday, motherhood, parenting, photo - grandma, photo - Holly, photo - Reid, photo - Rhett, photo - Ryan, photography